I saw it this weekend, while shopping myself. Couples standing in line at the checkout asking, “What do we get Zombie George?” “What do you think Zombie Barbara would like?” “Does Zombie Suzy have one of these?”
Listen, I know. I know!! Shopping for your zombie friends is difficult.
Well, do not fret, for I have arrived to assist you in these important matters.
So pull up a chair, get out your list and let’s make that shopping list for your favorite zombie.
This first on the list is also perhaps the most practical.
At #10, get your zombie friend…
10. Needles and thread.
Zombies always seem to be falling apart at the seams. So help them get their life together…literally!
9. Raw oysters.
Nothing says “I love you zombie friend” like the gift of raw oysters! It’s like giving them slimy little brain-chasers. Let them sit wrapped under your tree for about a week before giving it to them and you will achieve a higher level of appreciation on their part. Or serve them as appetizers at your party. They eat these, and their cravings for other things subside for several hours! Can we say slimy, rotting snot-flesh!
8. Velcro, tear-away, human dolls.
Ever see those zombie dolls that have arms, legs, and heads attached with velcro so humans can rip them apart? Well, get a human one for your zombie friend. When they feel the itch to tear apart a human, they can reach for this bad-boy and voila! emergency averted!
This is for a zombie’s incessant need to walk continually after something or somebody. Set it up for them with a picture of humans running in front of it. (Let’s just hope their arms don’t detatch while they are holding on to the rails.)
6. Meat-flavored toothpaste.
Yes, they make this, and there is nothing quite as humorous as seeing a group of your zombie friends crowded in your bathroom squeezing this delicacy into each other’s mouths, clamoring over each other for more.
What pre-packaged blood bags are to Vampires, SPAM is to Zombies. Get ‘em a bunch of it! It might just save your life.
4. A 4-pack of Zombie movies.
Give them a bucket of popcorn doused with red food coloring and sprinkled bacon bits and they will enjoy sitting back and watching themselves for a while.
3. Plants vs. Zombies action figures!
You know you want some too, so go ahead and get two sets so you can role play with them.
And you thought this was numero uno! Nope. But it is a close second. Trust me! I’ve queried many, many zombies lately and they say go for brains if you can’t get number one. So (as an alternative to the real thing), get yourself a jello-mold in the shape of a brain. Mix into the jello some pre-thawed chicken that you’ve left about for a few days and serve it up at the party you’ve invited them to. You’ll be a hit and it could very well be a new holiday food tradition for them. (Plus, it takes the craving for the real thing away for a bit.)
And the number one item on a Zombie Friend’s Christmas Shopping List is…
I mean, COME ON!!! It’s BACON! Folks, this is the most addictive food on the planet according to experts. It’s the MEAT of meats, and it’s just as addictive after turning as it is to those of us on this side of the turn. I mean, what zombie in their right mind would turn down bacon!
Wanna make your zombie friend feel the love?!
Bacon it is!
So, there you go. A few ideas to help you out while shopping for your zombie friends.
Let me know if I can assist you further this holiday season. Just glad I can be here for you during the difficult moments of your Christmas shopping.